Have you ever been in the mind set of wanting so badly, that it becomes all that you know, and then to suddenly start doubting yourself on whether or not the thing you covet is actually what you want?

It’s suddenly dawning on me that, what if what I want, isn’t what it turns out how I expect it to be. I should be used to this by now, but it’s a little jarring this time around.

It’s something that I’ve wanted for a while, and always hoped that eventually it would work out. But all of a sudden I’m having doubts about it. I get the feeling my past has something to do with this, changing the way I think about things.

What I will find hard is letting go of what I want, after wanting it so long, as it doesn’t seems to be getting anywhere and I get the feeling I am just going to have to move onwards and forget.

Happened to me too many times than I want, that has.

Whatever happens soon is probably going to make or break this, and judging from past experiences I can only assume it’s going to break, in more ways than one.

I’m starting to see an increase in these t shirts labelled as “Geek” or “Nerd” written on them, and worn primarily on females. First off:

What the actual fuck.

Seriously.

It is basically mocking people who are called, or call themselves geek or nerd. At least that is what I get out of it. Why is it such a crime to be stereotyped as one? Since when was it a bad thing to like certain cultures or sub-cultures and develop certain idiosyncrasies. Every stereotype has these effects, and I see worse effects in other stereotypes that most people look over because they are more socially acceptable due to popularity.

/rant

Just had a wierd fantasy in my head where the whole world was in danger for some reason (aliens or something), and to save the planet and everything on it a single person has to sacrifice themself for the rest to live. It was like a world wide address asking for someone, and I nominated myself to do it. I became some form of martyr or messiah.

It was like the end of Armageddon. It felt good.

And this song was playing as I died: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7R3oESCgQw

Basically when Gandalf dies in LotR.

God I’m so wierd.

Looking back to the way we used to talk, kinda wished we still talked like that. Oh how times change, bit of a pain in the arse. Hopefully we can get talking again soon. :)

My dog has been getting much thinner since he started having problems keeping food down. Although it is a good thing, it is showing in his behaviour as to how hungry it’s making him. :(